I’ve been online for about 15 years and in those 15 years, most people who know me on various media sites know that I was/am pro-marriage and an advocate for abstinence, more importantly saving one’s self for marriage. In today’s society this is a feat within itself. A lot of women find abstinence or celibacy after dealing with the wrong man or men and even after having children by a man who never intended to be a part of her life let alone the child’s life. I believe if more women took this road there would be less heartache.
The heartache of having a child or children with a man that didn’t want her. The heartache of multiple notches on the bedpost and nothing to show for it except some stained sheets and tears. I’ve also found that some women who were sexually free, promiscuous even, like to forget about all of their past lovers once a man has put a ring on it.
In the case of Ciara and Russell it was the man who wanted to wait.
It truly takes a special man who wants to wait. I believe there are some out here, but Russell is the exception and not the rule. Both Ciara and Russell saw enough in each other to want to build a friendship and let it progress naturally from there. I’ve said many times online that dating/courting used to be about getting to know a person.
Knowing if that person was marriage material or not. Today it has turned into sex, pregnancies (most times unwanted) and then marriage, if marriage even happens. The sad truth is most of the sex and pregnancies are happening between people who weren’t trying to be in it forever (a lot of times the men)
Women are the ones who often lose. Men and women do not view sex the same. Of course there are some women who say they can separate sex from love, but how many women can do that successfully? If men and women were on the same page when it came to sex, there wouldn’t be so many hurt, mad, struggling baby mamas out here or angry men who have to shell out money to a woman who he claims to hate after she’s had his offspring.
This is the price of sex without really knowing who you are sleeping with and especially not married to. The try-it-before-you buy-it is a lie that both men and women tell themselves and again, women are the ones who end up with the short end of the stick—a baby/children to raise by herself, 5 or 10 years of being a fiancé never a bride etc.
I recently wrote online that I tend to have more respect for women who waited for marriage, like, truly waited—no friends-with-benefits, no maintenance men, no ‘he my friend’ but really waited on the promise of God sending her a mate. I admire Ciara and Russell for their choice to wait, and also Megan Good and her husband. I wish them all the best.
Waiting is not an easy road. Been there done that, but it paid off for me—but that was my personal journey and commitment to God and myself. I wish more women saw value in what they have between their legs. You don’t have to rush into sex, sex will eventually come but you want it to be with a man who genuinely cares for you and wants a life (in marriage with you) if marriage is what you want.
#abstinence #celibacy #abstinencetillmarriage
Lisa Marbly-Warir wife, writer, dreamer
Bringing characters to life~one book at a time