Does having low-esteem make you settle?
By Lisa Marbly-Warir
I went to a co-worker a few weeks ago for some questions for my blog and this was one of them. She is ok with me using her initials V. Wesley and posting the questions (there are more to come)
I will also post her response to the question.
My response is yes-and the reason for low self-esteem and settling is infinite. Hopefully settling once on the wrong man and learning from that experience will help you to grow for the future and not make the same mistake over and over again. Unfortunately there are a lot of women who pick the same kinds of men over again hoping for different results-when most times it is something internal that makes some women go for the same men and not self-analyze. There was a time in my life where I allowed the wrong man to run game on me. The reasons I stuck it out was-out of fear of not finding the one, fear of being alone (even though up till that point I was alone (by choice) because I didn’t want to be messed over and I was alone even after he and I called it quits. I didn’t do a repeat- being burned and hurt-once was enough. So I just waited on God for the man He had for me.
I often told myself after my ex and I were finished, that he came into my life to a) teach me a lesson and b) be appreciative of the good man that would ultimately come into my life. (Which he did) Waiting on God is not an option for a lot of women, maybe even most women. But I would tell women when dealing with a man, that voice in your head that’s telling you to run, or he isn’t the one-listen to it. Because what could happen and happens a lot is, you get caught up, perhaps pregnant, or whatever and lose him anyway and it’s worse because now there is a child. Not that a child is not a blessing, but sometimes children come into less than ideal situations that weren’t built on solid foundations. I wrote an article last year about Are you placeholder in your boyfriend’s life. This ties into low-self-esteem and what some women will allow or put up with because they’re scared to let the wrong man go. Some men will also take advantage of a desperate/vulnerable woman.
So yes, having low self-esteem will make you settle, however, it doesn’t have to be your life’s story, it can be turned around-knowing that you are worth something, love yourself and not allow every man in creation to be on your body because you are scared to be alone for however long it takes not to be sucked into a relationship with a man who isn’t for you or doesn’t plan to be for you.
Too many of us have that ah ha!-moment in hindsight. Please note, I wasn’t the kind of woman who slept around, but I do feel that for some women in their desire to be loved and wanted by a man often thinks sex is the solution, when all he wants is sex and nothing, absolutely nothing more.