I would like to tackle many things I feel women are not learning or getting which is why so many are left to fend for themselves with children, or reach a certain age and want marriage but can’t find the right man. I feel men are especially spoiled today. They know they can create children and leave, shack up with a woman and promise marriage for years, knowing he has no intention of it.

Get commitment less sex and even ‘committed’ but not married sex etc. A lot of men, whether they say it or not have a 'Why buy the cow when they can get the milk for free?' attitude. He is not going to say this to the woman he is sleeping with—who may want marriage. Because for some of them it's 'If it ain't broke why
fix it?'





A lot of women are asking that men be the men of yesteryear—family oriented, marry them, take care of his kids—but those same women are not trying to be the women of yesteryear who for the most part had children within marriage, expected marriage, shunned men who were not husband material etc.

I often see a lot of double talk in regards to marriage (online) I actually don’t know where to start with this. It’s a subject that is beaten half to death on various geared to Black women sites I’ve visited over the years. It will continue to be beaten to death because there is never any resolution and many women are still complaining about raising kids alone, or wanting to settle down but can’t find a marriage-minded man.

I see a lot of disdain towards marriage, Black men and sometimes towards women who are wives and I often wonder is the disdain from wanting to be married but can’t find the right man to commit?
Or disdain because children are here and the father of the child(ren) refused to marry the mother?
Is it disdain because marriage is simply not important to some women?
The flip side is—many of those same women are complaining that the men they had children with (unmarried) are not stepping up to the plate of responsibility. I’ve been accused of giving men a pass and absolving them of their responsibility.

Um, no. When you as a woman have kids with a man who didn’t commit to you through marriage, you absolved him. Harsh but true.
What happened to love, marriage then baby? (Let me stop here, yes I know a man can marry you and still leave—that is a rather tired rebuttal I read a lot online. When I counter ask, what married men do you know is just up and leaving his family like that? I NEVER get an answer.
Does it mean that married men don’t leave, absolutely not, but I don’t believe they are leaving in droves the way some posters online like to believe. I’ve often said online that somewhere in time some women decided that having a husband was a waste of time, not important, all men cheat anyway the list of negativity towards marriage goes on and on and I am really baffled at the origins of it.

One media site I like to visit; most posters there know I am pro-marriage and being pro-marriage has actually gotten me called all kinds of spiteful names. And I’m like wow, so in order for a woman to be married or want marriage something has to be wrong with her? Really? The name calling also tells me it has to be something deeper within that person, to melt down over the suggestion of getting married and then having children.

I’ve also mentioned that if some women (posters in regards to that site I won’t mention) are that anti marriage online, then what are they like in real life? Is that sentiment spilling over into their relationships with men? Men, who are ultimately the ones who ask the woman for her hand in marriage. I’ve read a few articles on Black women and marriage and at times the articles contradict each other and also contradict what I see in real life.

I hear a few women who are honest enough to admit out loud that they want a husband, they want to get married. I have found that it’s almost frowned upon to admit such a thing. I can only conclude it is to save face, meaning if a woman who wants marriage never gets married she can always say ‘I never wanted to get married anyway.’

At the end of the day I don’t believe many Black women are being honest about really wanting marriage. Truly, don’t believe me, check out some of the Black social sites and pay close attention anytime marriage subjects come up they tend to turn into insults being hurled with women on different sides of the fence. ie either for marriage or not.  

I believe more Black women could be married if they expected it and most importantly made choices to that affect. A lot of women want to waste their young years having children by men who never intended to be there for the long haul let alone marry them, waste their young years having this so called fun at the expense of complaining later about no good men, or all the good men are taken.



I honestly believe that if Black women and men were primed early on to revere marriage and look at marriage as a positive; more marriages would happen in our communities. Perhaps more husbands/fathers would be in the homes and stay in the homes—because it started out on a solid base (hopefully)

Some women get negative views of marriage early on from their mothers?  Not only negative views, but I have also seen online some posters say that they don’t know a single, solitary happy marriage. My response is usually in-depth, but my usual go to retort is,

“So baby daddies, one night stands, friends with benefits, your “friend” is that much better than a husband?
Of course those questions are NEVER answered. At the end of the day, I believe the general consensus is, Black women do want marriage like any other woman, but so many make choices that aren’t conductive towards marriage.

I also believe that some view marriage as a death sentence, as a non-important factor to their lives and I wholeheartedly believe that is a defense mechanism. Please let me say this; for those who genuinely don’t want to be married this is not for you or about you.

By Lisa Marbly-Warir
6/4/2017

I typically liked studious, reserved, especially reserved men. Whew!! it’s getting hot in here. Nerdy guys too, don’t judge me. But note these men can also be bad news. So, I don’t want anyone to think that I’m saying men who subscribe to the bad boy image can’t be a  good guy or that a reserved, studious guy can’t be bad. There are exceptions to every rule.

by Lisa Marbly-Warir

Or not—when I write my stories I’m sometimes nervous of the presumption of some readers that because my female protagonists are Black that they will assume she is a boss bitch—cut throat, chews men up and spit them out types. And when someone who is not your target audience gets your book it can spell trouble for how your book is rated if they were expecting one kind of character but got another.

     I’ve had a couple of people not care for two of my characters because they felt they weren’t strong. But as I’ve posted online before, I can’t help what my characters tell me. That may sound funny, but if you’re a writer you know this is true. You can be writing, thinking one way, but the characters say, um, no this is how it goes down.

     My characters tend to be more than boss bitches, matter of fact; I wouldn’t call them boss bitches. I don’t like care for how the term bitch has been turned into a positive. It may be generational; it also depends on the environment of the women who embrace the phrase--boss bitch. I see nothing endearing about it at all but that’s just me. I know a lot of women do. Or maybe I’m just hung up on the word bitch.

• The term boss bitch as shown in Urban Dictionary online and there were several examples states:

Boss Bitch
 
A female that is extremely successful, stunting, and has plenty of power.
You see that girl over there, she's a boss bitch.
Credit to Denel June 08, 2006

Now of course boss bitch can mean different things to different women. My characters, Destinee, Jewel, Evermore etc. are strong, successful and independent women in their own right—but they would never refer to themselves as boss bitches.
But that doesn’t make them less strong because they label themselves differently. I wanted to write about women who convey strength and independence, but they are also vulnerable and insecure at times as they go through this thing called life and dealing with the men that come their way.

It’s ok to be strong and have it together; however, it is also ok to be delicate and feminine. That doesn’t take away who they are. I guess I am writing this because as mentioned above there is sometimes a misconception that all or most Black women are boss bitches especially in books, too strong to be vulnerable and even we perpetuate that perception.
     Our strength comes in many different forms and I want my characters to reflect that. Thanks for reading.
 
Twitter @Lwarir
Facebook Destinee Romance Novella
www.shimmergirlbooks.com
    
 
 
 

The funny thing is, when I get a book cover commissioned and I get the finished product—I love it, until I think of another way it could have been designed.
Ugh!! that's money spent that I didn't necessarily have to waste. I've spent more money on covers than I care to share. I have found a good designer and hope to keep using her for awhile.
If I could design my own covers, I would be a force to be reckoned with, but alas, graphic designing is not my forte.

You can't say I didn't try. That very first cover I designed myself and as you can see, um, no. I had to be able to compete with the big dogs and had it redesigned. The next 3 covers (the Destinee covers) you see were designed by 3 different people and the last one is my current designer.

 My first Book Expo
Lisa Marbly-Warir
 
2/26/2017
 
 




Where to start? Technically my first expo was a few months ago (July 2016) to be exact. I never bothered sharing that experience, because--
a) It wasn’t a book expo/fair so my book sales were dismal
b) It was a horrendous day for reasons I won’t post and
c) It was a glorious sunny day the whole day until I had to pack everything into my car to head to the expo and then it decided to rain down in buckets—that added to the already horrible day.

Awful, just awful…I no longer have a relaxer, so my pretty curls were ruined; it was also hot and humid.

The only plus—it was a first-time experience getting in front of people with my books and figuring out what works and what doesn’t work at a vendor fair.

Detroit Book City Expo 2017
What an amazing experience and it totally made up for the fiasco which was last year. Unlike the previous one, I only had about 2 weeks to plan. The reason I got in so late was because someone cancelled.

I ordered my books, bookmarks, stickers and prayed that they would come in time (they did)
See pictures below

I purchased candy (chocolates) and everything else needed for such an event. Side note-I think for my next expo/fair I won’t do chocolate. I find most adults pass on the candy, but of course children eye the tasty goodness with the eyes of a hawk.

One of the authors I met at the expo said she’d done hand sanitizers one year and they went over very well. That’s the good thing about these events, you get to meet great people, slyly get pointers and possibly connect for later projects.

The event—I got there early with my friend, Dora who helped. She was very helpful and gave me moral support. I laid out my books, etc. and watched the parade of people pass through. I got more sales than I anticipated and got some sign-ups for my email list. Pluses all around.

One bonus I didn’t expect was #Jesse Jackson showed up. He of course was immediately swarmed by people and left almost as soon as he stepped foot into the venue. I managed to get a picture, blurry, but a picture none-the-less. And it was neat to see him in person.

What I did right—bookmarks, postcards, 11x17 size posters of my books. Greeted the readers with a smile and engaged them in conversation-not in a pushy, sale-sy kind of way—just a little schmoozing.

What I did wrong—though wrong is subjective.
I’m pretty content with how everything turned out. However, I saw another author taking pictures with everyone who purchased a book from her. That’s smart, something to post on your website or Facebook page with their permission of course.

Not having enough change. Customers only wanted to give $20 bills. Next time I will have all singles. I could have lost a couple of customers who only had larger bills. Thankfully, Dora was there and bailed me out twice. She had the presence of mind to have singles.

I didn’t have a large banner. That will be my first priority for my next showing.

I had bags, but next time—some bags with my logo with a handle. Some people were struggling to find places to put their purchases.
www.shimmergirlbooks.weebly.com
Twitter @lwarir
 

Blurry picture of Jesse Jackson

In honor of #Black History month February, 2017
excerpt from A Johnson Family Saga—Love that transcends all (complete Destinee series)
also found in Two Become One which is part 2 of the series.
 
By Lisa Marbly-Warir


 
 
 
Even the Johnson Family left their mark in their own enclave of the world.
as told by Destinee Jones-Johnson
…When the party was over, nice as it was, I knew some of the women would still hold their old elitist attitudes towards me, and my mother-in-law was blissfully ignorant of it. She, like most of the women there, lived in her own bubble. They related only to each other for the most part and never took into consideration the feelings and life experiences of women from other cities; especially if those cities were poor or didn’t have the same wealth.
I never understood that, but I wasn’t from Langston either. It was just innately in them. Being married to Edward was wonderful; he was my buffer and a lot of the ugliness never reached me because of him and even his parents. Langstonites weren’t keen on becoming ostracized for messing with The Johnsons—they were one of the first families of Langston. Edward’s great-grandfather, founded Langston with the help of other well-to-do Blacks of his time; a time when Blacks were relegated to certain areas of the country and terrorized simply for being.
They wanted a place to differentiate between themselves and less fortunate Blacks. Edward sat down with me one evening and went over old photos of his grandparents and great-grand’s. One thing for certain was that the Johnson men had strong genes, the same eyes and that beautifully-shaped mouth. He told me the story that was passed down to him about how his great-grandfather founded the city with about six other families and it grew from there.
They were blessed to survive during a time when certain societal conditions that was beyond their control could have destroyed anything positive and good concerning Black people. Four generations later, the community was still thriving and I was blessed to be a part of it…
 
And because of the trials and tribulations the Johnson’s ancestors went through made Edward Sr. come down especially hard on his son, Edward Jr. Often reminding him of the great strides his family and Black people in general went through to be where they are today.
 
To read more please download a copy today.
http://amzn.to/2lwRAmF
 

 

 

#http://lisamarbly-warirauthorpage.weebly.com/get-it-girl-blog/black-women-love-romancetoo
I know some women get up in arms about telling little girls about fairy tales.






We know the reality of relationships and they’re not all what we see in the movies. But, I’m a firm believer of letting little girls have their dreams. That all said, in regards to a Black bachelorette—I’m in agreement with Wells Adams. Perhaps that is one reason why The Bachelor/Bachelorette never really appealed to  me.
Wells Adams Bachelor Show Racism Black Bachelorette
I might have mentioned once; why don’t they, or why won’t they do a #Black bachelor or #Black bachelorette? And I quickly came to my senses. With the racial climate in America there isn’t an easy cut-and-dry solution for this. Many things have to be taken into consideration—because it goes much deeper than just black and white, although race is but one reason.

1. When I mentioned above that little girls are raised to dream about a prince, or a knight-in-shining armor, those little girls are usually White (nothing wrong with that, that is a part of their heritage and thus, something they can relate to) but, Black girls dream about that too. However, our scenarios are a little different from that of women of other races when it comes down to marriage rates in our communities across the board. And damsels in distress and the whole ideal of a prince coming to the rescue. We tend to be raised to be independent and not dependent on a man.
2. Think about it-Cinderella, Snow White, Sleeping Beauty are not geared towards little Black girls. Yes we have the Princess and the Frog, but that is another subject in itself.
3. Most White women can’t/won’t relate to a Black woman, especially on a show like The Bachelor where a multitude of women regardless of color/race get their weekly fix to escape their own dreary, lonely, still holding out for their prince, lives.
4. America doesn’t want to see two Black people coming together in love, respect and honoring one another. Seriously. We barely like to see that ourselves, let’s be real.
5. If a Black bachelor/bachelorette is chosen who will be the other contestants? If for example there is a Black bachelor and most of his choices are non-Black women, can you imagine the backlash if he hands a rose to all non-Black women? Same with a Black bachelorette. ~~please note I am not against IRR (I write both Black romance and IR romance) but I know a good number of people have an issue with IR.
6. If a Black bachelor/Bachelorette happens, is it going to be another Flavor of Love? Remember that atrocity?

At the end of the day I would love to see a Black bachelor/bachelorette.  I’m an old romantic like anyone else, but I think for us (Black people) we have the money, the means and talents to pull off our own version of this show instead of begging behind the creators of The Bachelor. I want to see BET, OWN etc. tackle it but on a sophisticated, tasteful level I.E. non ghetto, no stereotypes, please.  Is that too much to ask for? I wonder if we would support it if it wasn’t ghetto. Love and Hip Hop and shows like that are popular for a reason—just saying.
#Blackbachelorette  #Blacklove #Blackwomen
 
www.shimmergirlbooks.weebly.com
Website with blog www.lisamarbly-warirauthorpage.weebly.com
Twitter @Lwarir
Destinee: A Romance Novella Facebook

Interview with Destinee Jones-Johnson
By Christine Thomas
 
February 2016
 
Abstaining from sex till marriage is it worth it?
Hello everyone,
It’s your girl Christine, of Christine’s Corner. I thought the topic of abstinence, or maintaining virginity till marriage would be a good topic for Valentine’s Day and beyond. Valentine’s Day is usually a day and night for unbridled passion and the promise of a romantic dinner, skimpy lingerie and good sex.

Valentine’s Day has passed but it didn’t stop me from getting in touch with my good friend Destinee. She is the best person to talk to about abstaining till marriage and actually walked the walk. Not an easy one according to her.  I’ve known her for years and I know she is an inspiration for some young women who want to know her experience for waiting and whether or not it is worth it?

CT-Hi Destinee, how are you girl? You’re looking great. I see Mister is keeping you happy.
DJ-I’m fine Christine. Thank you and yes he is.
 
CT-When I interviewed that fine husband of yours I thought he was very charming.
DJ-Thank you
 
CT-When we were in college you were the only one of us who never really had a boyfriend. And you weren’t having sex like the rest of us. College is usually the place where people experiment and I was no exception. I’m going to tell you. I thought you were weird and missing out. Please tell my readers, why maintaining your virginity was so important to you?
 
DJ-You thought I was weird? You never told me that before.
 
CT-I did. But I also admired your stand. Temptation is too great out here. It was too many fine brotha’s on campus. I don’t know how you did it.
 
DJ-Part of it was upbringing and religious convictions-I know that’s not politically correct. Once I got older and was able to make decisions for myself it was what I wanted to do. I always felt sex was something special that shouldn’t be given away to just anyone. No judgment. That was my choice for my life.
 
CT-I’m glad you mention no judgment because people usually feel some kind of way when they encounter a woman who chooses to abstain. Why do you think that is?
 
DJ-Just guessing, it could be because they wish they had waited. Perhaps the first man they gave themselves to; proved to not be worthy. Men view you as a novelty and like the thrill of the hunt and to see if they can persuade you. At the end of the day men and women view sex differently and women are often the ones who feel out of sorts if they didn’t get from a man what they expected after giving their bodies to them.
 
CT-What about women who enjoy sex and don’t put archaic limitations on themselves when it comes to sex?
DJ-Just like my choice to abstain was my own, women who don’t like archaic limitations have a right to live how they see fit. My choice to abstain only became a problem when certain people started questioning me about it and they felt some kind of way about my choice. You know who I’m talking about. I only talked about it when I was confronted about it.
 
CT-Did the questions about abstaining bother you back then?
DJ-Only when I was ridiculed for my choice; other than that, no.
 
CT-So that brings me to a very personal question. Your husband is the only man you’ve slept with. How can you know if he is good or not? Do you regret not playing the field a bit?
 
~~Destinee laughs here~~
DJ-Yes he is and I am very satisfied in more ways than one with his performance. No complaints on either side. I don’t regret not playing the field. You remember #####? She was very free and vocal about her conquests but when she met ######## she quickly forgot about the body count she used to not only brag about, but she used to rub it in my face that I wasn’t getting any. So I don’t see the point of playing the field, only to want to forget about your conquests once your knight and shining armor shows up.
 
CT-It’s safe to say your husband wasn’t a virgin, correct?
DJ-No he wasn’t
 
CT-Do you think your choice to remain one till marriage was his motivation for pursuing you?
 
DJ-I guess you’d have to ask him, but I don’t think so.
 
CT-I’d love to ask you some even more personal questions but I know you shared some in Two Become One. Two snaps girl, you didn’t hold back.
 
DJ-Well enquiring minds wanted to know some things
 
CT-My final question. At the end of the day; was waiting for sex worth it?
DJ-Yes. It was a long journey. I wanted to throw in the towel many times, but I’m glad I made the personal choice to wait.
 
CT-Thank you Destinee. I wish you and your husband the best and many more years to come.
Anything you’d like to share with my readers?
 
DJ-Just make sure when you are having sex it’s with someone who really loves you, respects you and because you want to. I preferred sex within marriage, but that was my choice. Thank you for inviting me.
 
By Lisa Marbly-Warir
 
A love worth waiting for—Destinee’s story
Get your copy today—1st book in series is .99


Two become one-A Destinee romance
Born out of Lust
Jewel
Under the Irish Moon
The Millionaire—Diamonds are forever (coming soon)
 
Available at www.Amazon.com
And www.Smashwords.com