Signs you may be a placeholder in your boyfriends life
June 2, 2015
By Lisa Warir
And by placeholder I mean a woman who is only there for brief companionship (usually sexual benefits for the man) until the woman he really wants comes along. This is one reason why I believe so many women end up as unwed mothers; because she and the young man were sleeping together (obviously) and because of that she thinks they are/were in a true relationship and he was just using her for sex or a place to stay etc.
And of course hindsight is 20/20 for a lot of women after the baby or after realizing she shouldn’t have been giving her body to that guy or guys.
Disclaimer; If you are a woman who likes or wants to be a perpetual girlfriend, or is not interested in marriage, then this is not for you.
Men tend to use sweet words and professions of love to get sex; women on the other hand think because they are giving that intimate side of themselves to a man they’ve been with for weeks, months or years that he loves her. Now it doesn’t mean a man isn’t always in love-but there is a disconnect between men and women out here not being on the same page and I wanted to offer some insight for women who may not understand the confusion they are having dealing with the man they are with. The signs I post are based on observation.
He only calls you late at night, or asks to come over only AT NIGHT. Now unless you know for certain he works during the day and it is the only time he can see you, I’m not talking about that scenario. I’m talking about the man who probably has a girlfriend or wife and the only times he wants to come see you is at night. Be wary. Use discernment.
He makes promises and never keeps his word.
He tells you he doesn’t want to get married. When a man tells you this believe him. What he really means is he doesn’t want to marry you. A lot of women stick around hoping he will change his mind and in that time a woman is getting deeper and deeper involved emotionally and it usually comes to a head through arguments, or after she gets pregnant etc. and she loses him anyway. Sometimes best to cut your losses and move on before the baby, or jaded feelings especially if you want marriage.
He asks you to move in with him. I know this has been the new norm in recent decades. Women think this is the next step to marriage, when often times it’s simply a place for the boyfriend to get the benefits of marriage and still hold his single status. I know someone will say that they know a woman who lived with her boyfriend for x amount of years and they got married.
Well so do I and it was usually because the boyfriend exhausted his other options or the girlfriend had to beg and plead for the marriage proposal. I’m sure many more scenarios. Although most scenarios never resulted in marriage. It doesn’t take a man 5, 10 plus years to know if he wants to marry you. This indefinite dating is a newer phenomenon as more and more women shack up, or has kids unwed, or have friends with benefits, and one night stands, men aren’t seeing the need to marry.
You don’t see him on the holidays or the weekend. Again, if he is working I’m not talking about that.
The words that come out of his mouth DOES NOT match his actions and vice versa.
Trust your gut. If you don’t have inner peace with a man, re-evaluate why you are with him.
This one I’ve been through. When you are with a man, and you cry and have more questions than answers, it is because he is not the one. A man who truly loves you and most importantly wants to be with YOU; does not put you on a roller coaster ride of emotions. Too many women are out here trying to make a relationship with a man who isn’t there for the long haul work.
He never tries to meet you half way. When I was with my ex fiancé (if you want to call him that)
Here is a metaphor I used to use to describe us when we were “together”. There is a line in the road. And we each had to make it to that line. I would always make it to the line, but when I looked for him, he was still on his end and his back was to me. Red flag; when a man isn’t trying his best to be with you or make you happy. Run.
I’ve heard some women say how after they had the baby their boyfriend just switched up. I’m here to tell you, he didn’t just switch up; you weren’t taking heed to the red flags/signals he was sending from the start. We as women want to believe men; we want to be in relationships with them, so many of us walk into situations with our eyes wide open out of desperation, out of loneliness etc. Sometimes simply being alone for however long that it takes to find you, and ensure of getting the right man in your life is better than dating and exposing yourself to many men who can potentially use you, if you let them.
Some women tend to get themselves in a continuous circle of losers on the quest of finding the one. Me personally, I was single for a lot of years, I rarely dated. My life experience is/was different from a lot of women because I didn’t believe in premarital sex (so it limited my dating options) and I didn’t want to end up how so many women end up out here. I know there are many more signs. I wrote this because I don’t know that young women know this. I also know that most women will find out things on their own and in a lot of cases the hard way. I hope this has been food for thought for the reader.