Are Some Black Women Against Marriage?

By Lisa Marbly-Warir
10-15-2017

I put some because obviously many Black women are married, getting married and are for marriage, but there is still a large amount that are not. I often wonder about why, or at least I used to wonder until I started seeing a startling protest against marriage from many women who say they are Black online.

Every so often I will see posts on a particular website that suggest that Black women are better off not being married at all. I recently saw an article called Ways to commit without being married on Madame Noire. Is there an agenda to push this on Black women?

I believe that specific article was written by a White woman but it was posted on a largely Black female forum. Honestly, I don’t think White women or other race women get these articles geared towards them.

Look at how the media is geared towards White women and women of other races—she and a man running through a field of flowers, holding hands, a marriage ceremony etc. But for Black women you’d be hard pressed to see the same types of images. (Not that you don’t, but it’s not the same)

The scary thing is many young Black women eat up the ‘I don’t need to be married brigade’ like candy. But then some of those same young women will ask ‘Why aren’t men asking their baby mama’s, their fiancée of umpteen years etc. to get married?
Or some will wonder why they are raising a child or children by themselves. If marriage is just a piece of paper, or no big deal to you as a woman, why would it be a big deal to the men who asks for the woman’s hand in marriage?


 I’m going to post a list of some of the reasons I have seen online from Black women who say they are against marriage.

The site that I speak of, any time marriage or wives come up it turns into a—them (single) against us (married) or vs. versa. And the post usually crashes and burns with a lot of name calling on both sides. So without further ado here are some of the reasons I have seen--

• A death sentence
  
• Only benefitting men
• For White people
• For wealthy people
• All men cheat
• A 'marriage' is your shack up partner, or baby daddy
• Many don't care about bringing kids into this world without a husband
• They've never seen a healthy marriage
• Marriage is really no big deal
• Marriage is a White man's construct
• Marriage is archaic
• Marriage isn't a cure all
• Only desperate, ugly women with nothing going for themselves want marriage
• My husband MUST be rich, or I don't want marriage at all
• Wives are maids
• The divorce rate is 50%
• All wives are miserable and unhappy

So we have to consider why the marriage rate in our communities compared to others is much lower.

Black women are raising the men who don't want marriage

Black women are raising the young ladies who don't see marriage as a viable option

Also, some women think they have years to snag a husband. That’s not to say that you can’t meet and marry the right man at a later age (I did)
but I am an advocate of getting your husband young(er) if possible for a variety of reasons.

I realize the dating landscape has changed from when I was a younger woman. But I know that marriage is beneficial to men, women and especially children whose biological parents are in a healthy marriage.

Please note as I always do, this message isn’t for all women. Some women are very content not being married or ever being married. I’m talking to women who are pro-marriage and want to be one day if they aren’t already.

Thanks for reading