I picked a positive image on purpose. :)
Lord where do I start? This is a 4 part series and we are 3 episodes in. I wanted to wait until I saw the show in its entirety before commenting, but some things warranted a response now.
I feel for the women in the house and I know hurt, daddy issues, failure to connect with the right man and raising children alone etc. often times manifests itself in downright anger and hateful outbursts. I’m glad that Iyanla tackled this subject but I wondered how deep she would really go with this. I find that people only want to touch on the surface of things that goes on in the Black community but rarely want to talk about real solutions and getting to the root of the matter.
I’m a preventative measures type person.
What does that mean? I like to offer solutions for women in particular before they get into situations with men before anger, jaded feelings and hurt can happen (not that relationships are pain free, but pain and hurt are often exacerbated by being with the wrong man, especially once children are born into those situations. As a daddy-less daughter, I well understand the pain of missing a father so I am often a champion of the importance of a father being in a young girl’s life. I feel a lot of people only think of boys and the importance of a father. But for a young girl her father is the first man she will love, and the first man who loves her and shows her what being loved and being cherished is all about and hopefully, she takes that into her adult-hood and picks a man who is like her father, if he is a good father—ideally.
What I also find helpful is teaching young ladies about the importance in how to pick the right man and in not having children with men who have not honored them in marriage first. I’ve often said that a man who takes the time out of his day to make you his wife first and then you have your children together can cut down on the confusion out here in regards to women getting pregnant and then being left to raise their children. But that is all another subject for another day. Here is what I really wanted to address about this show.
The whole Black men who only date White women scenario. For starters when it was first brought up I cringed, but then I got irritated—because why is the misconception that Black women are bothered by Black men being with White women solely on us? I know for a fact that many White women don’t like it when their men are in the faces of Black women, especially if it is an attractive Black woman. What would have happened if a show where White women were bemoaning their hurts and issues with White men and then a party is thrown and attractive Black women were brought in? First of all it would never happen like that, you know it and I know it.
I feel like Iyanla could have kept that whole sequence out. I feel it was divisive and further promoted the fallacy that all Black women are bothered by this.
For the women who had a husband or a father leave them for a White woman or as one of the ladies said, her father left her and went and raised children with a White woman-um, the pain was in being left for another woman period, the race of the women in my opinion should have been moot point. Some Black men already feel as though Black women are falling apart at the seams for them choosing another race over them, and some White women feel they are getting over on us by being with a Black man. In today’s society, this shouldn’t even be a topic any longer. This is 2016—and yes racism still exists, but more and more people are going to date and marry out and it should no longer be a sore spot for anyone in my opinion.
I’ve often said online that the only reason it keeps being a topic is because many Black women and Black men are so disillusioned with one another that when a Black person seeks a relationship with another race it’s glaring because of other problems in our community that have not been resolved. I’m sure most of us have Black man/White woman marriages/couples in our families—I do.
At the end of the day the few Black men, or even Black women who date/marry out is not the root problem plaguing our communities—but it is a symptom of a greater issues. And until those can be tackled on a grander scale it will continue to be a sore spot for some.
I'm anxious to see the 4th installment of Fix my house. I hope the ladies get the healing and the resolution that they need to move forward.
Sisters can we talk? Delves into many of the reasons why the myth of the angry Black women exists—and how making the right choices in life can diminish the angry Black woman syndrome.
Also check out other books by Lisa
Follow on Twitter @lwarir
Black women love romance too-By Lisa Marbly-Warir
Ever since we were little girls we have been inundated with the whole fairy-tale aspect of love and relationships—usually from the P.O.V of women who don’t look like us—in movies, or books.
Not that-that is an issue—there are plenty of Black writers and movie makers who are writing stories from our P.O.V. although I feel that those stories are often limited to a certain audience even within our own communities—I.e. more urban or gritty, rarely sweet and apple pie-ish.
Think of every romance movie you’ve ever watched where a White man is moving heaven and earth to get to the woman he loves, or a chance meeting in a park, or a quaint town etc. I think that’s one reason why IR romance novels, or TV shows that showcase IRR between BW/WM in particular is so popular.
We grew up seeing how romantic White men are. Of course anyone married to a non-Black man knows that men are typically the same regardless of race. The grass isn’t necessarily greener on the other side.
(I'm not against IR relationships-that's not the point of this)
I've even written a IRR novel due out 10/3/2016
Under the Irish Moon
but for the most part my stories tend to be strong Black (non-stereotypical) leads.
But there are rarely any movies of positive Black male and female characters coming together in that sappy, whimsical kind of love story that we have grown to love through the rose-tinted glasses of other women.
I would love to see sweet, innocent love become the norm for us as well. I’m not saying it doesn’t exist in the real world because it does, but how often do we see it in movies geared towards us? Would we support such a movie?
Are we so used to seeing Black women in strife with Black men that a sweet, quirky love story wouldn’t work? Perhaps some movies are out there and I haven’t looked hard enough.
That said—I like watching the-Hallmark channel -and would like to see our version of that.
Movies that are non-urban-maybe small town, college campus etc. I know we have Love and Basketball which was very popular, Jason’s Lyric (which was quite steamy) I often wonder if we would support a movie with two Black leads that are non-stereotypical?
That’s why I am so excited about shows like Greenleaf, Queen Sugar and even Empire (yes, it’s urban) while they are not romance movies—they for the most part are not stereotypical shows (well Empire is -but I like it anyway)
They are shows about Black characters who have ups, downs, loves, hurts etc. like anybody else. For a long time there were very limited aspects of our lives shown on TV-particularly us as women.
We were/are often portrayed as asexual, Jezebel’s, mother figures unloved or abused as if that is the only way to define us—there seemed to be no vulnerable, soft feminine roles for us and I get that some in our communities want to see the bad-ass, hardened take no guff power woman, but that often leaves us seemingly super human void of emotions and incapable of being loved or cherished.
What type of Black romance storyline would you like to see?
Are there certain actors/actresses you would like to see in those roles?
Lisa's books http://amzn.to/2d6MKID
I wasn’t going to comment on this and as you can tell I’m a few days late voicing my opinion. So, I figured why not add one more opinion to the fray. Let me admit first, that I am not a fan of Kanye’s, never have been and likely never will be—please note this has nothing to do with his choice of women or even his wife. (and before I get into my thoughts, his wife is non-Black and his children are multi-racial, so why would we expect anything different of him?)
That said, why do some of us (Black women) get bent out of shape over some Black men’s choices for non-Black women? Especially men that the majority of us say we do not want—is that a fair assessment?
Ok, some may say it’s the principle of the matter—I guess I get that too, to an extent—meaning, I feel that Black men are the only race of men who publicly puts down his own women (and I have an opinion for that too, but that is another article for another time)
I feel some Black women making a big deal out of this is not only magnifying the situation, but it’s also giving him (Kanye) a bigger head and may even drive more money (sales) into his pockets by the very segment of the population that he excluded.
There are so many directions this post can go in, but I will try to keep in context to the current event. I’m about to give my age away—back in the 70s there were barely any positive representations of girls/women who looked like me. So, I will say we’ve come a long way baby and have many more years to go-in regards to more Afro-centric Black women being seen in a positive light, as beautiful and desirable etc. without a stigma being attached to it. I will say it's much better today than it was when I was growing up.
Viola Davis, Tika Sumpter and even Tariji P. Henson would not have their gem roles with us rooting for them, probably even 15 years ago, so yes we’ve come a long way, but have miles to go.
Going even a step further, way back before my time with movies of the 40s for example—the Black male lead was much darker skinned and his love interest was often a Lena Horne type. The whole lighter Black woman/multi-racial women for love interest, modeling etc. is absolutely not new. This is why I try to support TV shows etc. that use darker skinned women in a positive light. Sometimes we have to stop looking for others to do right by us and do it ourselves.
So, I wouldn’t expect anything less of Kanye or any man who is like him. As I posted on Facebook a few days ago-we need to concentrate and give our energies to men who do support, value and respect us.
And at the end of the day people have their preferences. I do, you do, everybody does (for the most part) so, when some Black women spazzed out over Kanye and his choice, I cringed.
We as Black women and consumers can simply not buy products of Kanye, or any other person who doesn’t value us, by not valuing us; they shouldn’t value our money either. I am in no way saying boycott. I’m just saying; exercise your right to spend your money elsewhere. Even with my message I’ve given him a platform. That’s how it is when controversy around stars happen. Those are my thoughts.
Timon Kyle Durrett
Edited to add Kofi Siriboe (Ralph Angel)
I'm really enjoying these new shows. I want to give a quick shout out to The haves and have nots, too. (Wasn't that finale awesome?)
For years we have been asking for shows that showcased Black people in diverse aspects of life. At least I was. Not all of us are languishing in ghettos, or barely educated and perpetual dregs on society.
I was tired of the same ole rehashed, slave dramas (which I never watched) or the, woe-as-me, down-trodden manless, Black woman narratives.
There can be elements of negative aspects of the Black community, but I don't care for that being the only voice for us.
Good shows, keep 'em coming.
I'm revisiting this topic because of a post I saw on a social media site. The post was about men who will date a woman for years, many years-they break up and he's married to another woman in a year. This phenomenon IMO is called the 'right now woman" syndrome.