I picked a positive image on purpose. :)
Lord where do I start? This is a 4 part series and we are 3 episodes in. I wanted to wait until I saw the show in its entirety before commenting, but some things warranted a response now.
I feel for the women in the house and I know hurt, daddy issues, failure to connect with the right man and raising children alone etc. often times manifests itself in downright anger and hateful outbursts. I’m glad that Iyanla tackled this subject but I wondered how deep she would really go with this. I find that people only want to touch on the surface of things that goes on in the Black community but rarely want to talk about real solutions and getting to the root of the matter.
I’m a preventative measures type person.
What does that mean? I like to offer solutions for women in particular before they get into situations with men before anger, jaded feelings and hurt can happen (not that relationships are pain free, but pain and hurt are often exacerbated by being with the wrong man, especially once children are born into those situations. As a daddy-less daughter, I well understand the pain of missing a father so I am often a champion of the importance of a father being in a young girl’s life. I feel a lot of people only think of boys and the importance of a father. But for a young girl her father is the first man she will love, and the first man who loves her and shows her what being loved and being cherished is all about and hopefully, she takes that into her adult-hood and picks a man who is like her father, if he is a good father—ideally.
What I also find helpful is teaching young ladies about the importance in how to pick the right man and in not having children with men who have not honored them in marriage first. I’ve often said that a man who takes the time out of his day to make you his wife first and then you have your children together can cut down on the confusion out here in regards to women getting pregnant and then being left to raise their children. But that is all another subject for another day. Here is what I really wanted to address about this show.
The whole Black men who only date White women scenario. For starters when it was first brought up I cringed, but then I got irritated—because why is the misconception that Black women are bothered by Black men being with White women solely on us? I know for a fact that many White women don’t like it when their men are in the faces of Black women, especially if it is an attractive Black woman. What would have happened if a show where White women were bemoaning their hurts and issues with White men and then a party is thrown and attractive Black women were brought in? First of all it would never happen like that, you know it and I know it.
I feel like Iyanla could have kept that whole sequence out. I feel it was divisive and further promoted the fallacy that all Black women are bothered by this.
For the women who had a husband or a father leave them for a White woman or as one of the ladies said, her father left her and went and raised children with a White woman-um, the pain was in being left for another woman period, the race of the women in my opinion should have been moot point. Some Black men already feel as though Black women are falling apart at the seams for them choosing another race over them, and some White women feel they are getting over on us by being with a Black man. In today’s society, this shouldn’t even be a topic any longer. This is 2016—and yes racism still exists, but more and more people are going to date and marry out and it should no longer be a sore spot for anyone in my opinion.
I’ve often said online that the only reason it keeps being a topic is because many Black women and Black men are so disillusioned with one another that when a Black person seeks a relationship with another race it’s glaring because of other problems in our community that have not been resolved. I’m sure most of us have Black man/White woman marriages/couples in our families—I do.
At the end of the day the few Black men, or even Black women who date/marry out is not the root problem plaguing our communities—but it is a symptom of a greater issues. And until those can be tackled on a grander scale it will continue to be a sore spot for some.
I'm anxious to see the 4th installment of Fix my house. I hope the ladies get the healing and the resolution that they need to move forward.
Sisters can we talk? Delves into many of the reasons why the myth of the angry Black women exists—and how making the right choices in life can diminish the angry Black woman syndrome.
Also check out other books by Lisa
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