Does having low-esteem make you settle?
By Lisa Marbly-Warir
I went to a co-worker a few weeks ago for some questions for my blog and this was one of them. She is ok with me using her initials V. Wesley and posting the questions (there are more to come)
I will also post her response to the question.
My response is yes-and the reason for low self-esteem and settling is infinite. Hopefully settling once on the wrong man and learning from that experience will help you to grow for the future and not make the same mistake over and over again. Unfortunately there are a lot of women who pick the same kinds of men over again hoping for different results-when most times it is something internal that makes some women go for the same men and not self-analyze. There was a time in my life where I allowed the wrong man to run game on me. The reasons I stuck it out was-out of fear of not finding the one, fear of being alone (even though up till that point I was alone (by choice) because I didn’t want to be messed over and I was alone even after he and I called it quits. I didn’t do a repeat- being burned and hurt-once was enough. So I just waited on God for the man He had for me.
I often told myself after my ex and I were finished, that he came into my life to a) teach me a lesson and b) be appreciative of the good man that would ultimately come into my life. (Which he did) Waiting on God is not an option for a lot of women, maybe even most women. But I would tell women when dealing with a man, that voice in your head that’s telling you to run, or he isn’t the one-listen to it. Because what could happen and happens a lot is, you get caught up, perhaps pregnant, or whatever and lose him anyway and it’s worse because now there is a child. Not that a child is not a blessing, but sometimes children come into less than ideal situations that weren’t built on solid foundations. I wrote an article last year about Are you placeholder in your boyfriend’s life. This ties into low-self-esteem and what some women will allow or put up with because they’re scared to let the wrong man go. Some men will also take advantage of a desperate/vulnerable woman.
So yes, having low self-esteem will make you settle, however, it doesn’t have to be your life’s story, it can be turned around-knowing that you are worth something, love yourself and not allow every man in creation to be on your body because you are scared to be alone for however long it takes not to be sucked into a relationship with a man who isn’t for you or doesn’t plan to be for you.
Too many of us have that ah ha!-moment in hindsight. Please note, I wasn’t the kind of woman who slept around, but I do feel that for some women in their desire to be loved and wanted by a man often thinks sex is the solution, when all he wants is sex and nothing, absolutely nothing more.
My First Time in St. Thomas
My name is Jewel Davis and I would like to share my first time visiting St. Thomas. It is a beautiful Caribbean Island in the US. Virgin Islands. The first time I went was ten years ago-around 2005. I stayed with my college buddy, Janeesa. At the time she had a vacation home high up in the mountains. Getting up to her 3 bedroom, island home was an adventure in-and-of itself. Imagine travelling dark, bumpy roads with no railings, at night? Yes, it was scary and though I held on for dear life as we drove up the mountains in a jeep-it was an amazing experience.
I could have stayed at a resort in a heavily populated tourist area but staying with someone who lived there makes for a more enjoyable, local experience. I’m a jogger, so jogging the hilly terrain presented a challenge-and I loved it. The local markets are nice, fresh fruit every day for my smoothies, conversing with the locals-very nice.
Looking down from Janeesa’s balcony onto the Caribbean Sea at night, with the dark velvety blue sky, a white full moon shining light down below on the sea created a sparkling, magical effect. No picture taken could capture that view. It is a must see for yourself experience.
The food is delicious-and anybody that knows me, know that any food that I didn’t have to make is delicious. If you can ask a local the best foods to try, that’s a big plus. I found myself over indulging on pate’s, jerk chicken and red beans and rice. You have to try the conch fritters, with a side of slaw. Omg. The conch chowder is pretty darn good as well. Tropical drinks are a must as well-my favorite, banana/pineapple colada’s.
Other popular drinks
Rum of course, it’s one of their staples
The nightlife isn’t any different from any other night on the town like in bigger cities. It’s not my scene anymore-but asking locals of the best ones to go to is helpful.
The locals are friendly and helpful-be sure to ask them where the best beaches are that are less tourist-y and beach comb for pretty shells to take home. Also, little lizards and iguana’s are everywhere.
Jewel Davis, owner of EnNaptured. Natural hair guru and fitness junkie.
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