Does having low-esteem make you settle?
By Lisa Marbly-Warir
I went to a co-worker a few weeks ago for some questions for my blog and this was one of them. She is ok with me using her initials V. Wesley and posting the questions (there are more to come)
I will also post her response to the question.
My response is yes-and the reason for low self-esteem and settling is infinite. Hopefully settling once on the wrong man and learning from that experience will help you to grow for the future and not make the same mistake over and over again. Unfortunately there are a lot of women who pick the same kinds of men over again hoping for different results-when most times it is something internal that makes some women go for the same men and not self-analyze. There was a time in my life where I allowed the wrong man to run game on me. The reasons I stuck it out was-out of fear of not finding the one, fear of being alone (even though up till that point I was alone (by choice) because I didn’t want to be messed over and I was alone even after he and I called it quits. I didn’t do a repeat- being burned and hurt-once was enough. So I just waited on God for the man He had for me.
I often told myself after my ex and I were finished, that he came into my life to a) teach me a lesson and b) be appreciative of the good man that would ultimately come into my life. (Which he did) Waiting on God is not an option for a lot of women, maybe even most women. But I would tell women when dealing with a man, that voice in your head that’s telling you to run, or he isn’t the one-listen to it. Because what could happen and happens a lot is, you get caught up, perhaps pregnant, or whatever and lose him anyway and it’s worse because now there is a child. Not that a child is not a blessing, but sometimes children come into less than ideal situations that weren’t built on solid foundations. I wrote an article last year about Are you placeholder in your boyfriend’s life. This ties into low-self-esteem and what some women will allow or put up with because they’re scared to let the wrong man go. Some men will also take advantage of a desperate/vulnerable woman.
So yes, having low self-esteem will make you settle, however, it doesn’t have to be your life’s story, it can be turned around-knowing that you are worth something, love yourself and not allow every man in creation to be on your body because you are scared to be alone for however long it takes not to be sucked into a relationship with a man who isn’t for you or doesn’t plan to be for you.
Too many of us have that ah ha!-moment in hindsight. Please note, I wasn’t the kind of woman who slept around, but I do feel that for some women in their desire to be loved and wanted by a man often thinks sex is the solution, when all he wants is sex and nothing, absolutely nothing more.
My First Time in St. Thomas
My name is Jewel Davis and I would like to share my first time visiting St. Thomas. It is a beautiful Caribbean Island in the US. Virgin Islands. The first time I went was ten years ago-around 2005. I stayed with my college buddy, Janeesa. At the time she had a vacation home high up in the mountains. Getting up to her 3 bedroom, island home was an adventure in-and-of itself. Imagine travelling dark, bumpy roads with no railings, at night? Yes, it was scary and though I held on for dear life as we drove up the mountains in a jeep-it was an amazing experience.
I could have stayed at a resort in a heavily populated tourist area but staying with someone who lived there makes for a more enjoyable, local experience. I’m a jogger, so jogging the hilly terrain presented a challenge-and I loved it. The local markets are nice, fresh fruit every day for my smoothies, conversing with the locals-very nice.
Looking down from Janeesa’s balcony onto the Caribbean Sea at night, with the dark velvety blue sky, a white full moon shining light down below on the sea created a sparkling, magical effect. No picture taken could capture that view. It is a must see for yourself experience.
The food is delicious-and anybody that knows me, know that any food that I didn’t have to make is delicious. If you can ask a local the best foods to try, that’s a big plus. I found myself over indulging on pate’s, jerk chicken and red beans and rice. You have to try the conch fritters, with a side of slaw. Omg. The conch chowder is pretty darn good as well. Tropical drinks are a must as well-my favorite, banana/pineapple colada’s.
Other popular drinks
Rum of course, it’s one of their staples
The nightlife isn’t any different from any other night on the town like in bigger cities. It’s not my scene anymore-but asking locals of the best ones to go to is helpful.
The locals are friendly and helpful-be sure to ask them where the best beaches are that are less tourist-y and beach comb for pretty shells to take home. Also, little lizards and iguana’s are everywhere.
Jewel Davis, owner of EnNaptured. Natural hair guru and fitness junkie.
Buy here ebook 2.99 https://www.amazon.com/dp/B014G1DLRM
also available in paperback 5.00
romance, love affair, affair;
Hello everyone, I know it’s been a minute since I have posted something. I went to a co-worker the other day and asked her for some subject matter to post about. She is a single woman, and this question was posed by her.
But I also see this question asked online as well. The reason why is pretty easy to answer in my opinion. However, a social media site I like to visit, the opinion as to why they (men) don’t court anymore varies.
I’m thinking there is a generational gap as to why there is a disparity in opinions.
I am 40-plus and many of the women who have had a different opinion from me are in their 20s (and that is ok, we all have different life experiences) that said
(please note-these are my personal opinions)
Women are not making being courted properly a priority anymore. I’m talking the initial dating process, when a man takes a woman out to a movie, dinner, hand holding in the park—Or whatever the couple’s interests are.
But crashing at her place not making the effort to dress up and take her out or only calling a woman at night is not courtship. It’s laziness on both the man’s and the woman’s part.
Particularly if a woman wants to move towards marriage and not a forever girlfriend) If a woman wants a man to court her, she needs to set that standard. If a man is unwilling to rise to that standard, he is not the one.
Men know they don’t have to put an effort into courting a woman anymore. More and more women are settling for less than true courtship. A lot of women and men are defining lust as a relationship.
Many are jumping feet first into sexual relationships without a mutual agreement on what they are. Are we exclusive?-working towards eventual marriage? Friends with benefits, Booty call, Casual dating, I don’t know how to define us, We’re friends-but someone wants more etc etc etc.
A real courtship needs to be defined early on. If you (the woman) has questions about where you stand with the man you are with, that may be a red flag.
A lot of men are getting the benefits of a relationship with minimal effort on their end. Very minimal. Men are used to not having to step up to the plate because they are not being challenged to.
Women are getting weary of men not stepping up to the plate-but many women are also settling-which perpetuates this dilemma. Some men are simply lip service and no actions lining up with what they are telling the women they are with. Men and women are often on a different page when it comes to sex and love.
We as women tend to blur the lines of sex and love-which can lead to confusion. There was a saying years ago (it’s not verbatim-I don’t remember who said it) but Men use words of love to get sex and women give sex to get love. Ladies, there really are red flags when we first meet a man.
Some women say they were blind-sided by a man after crap hit the fan. Not true, for the most part, we ignore signs slapping us right in the face. And the reasons for ignoring those signs vary by woman.
We know we have men who don’t try to court a woman—but then we have men who won’t try because they think women are asking for too much. Movie, dinner, roses and he wants to know what is he getting out of the the deal before he spends his money (this is what I’ve heard men say).
Sex is usually the preferred trade-off. And sex without true commitment presents a different challenge-which takes me back to men and women being on different pages when it comes to sex and love.
I think this one is a biggie. A lot of men are not seeing examples of courtship. Their own father may be missing in action; their mother may have juggled several boyfriends during his formative years. Courtship to a man, if it’s even on his radar differs from courtship from a woman’s POV.
I think in our parents/grandparents day-men and women were a little more on the same page when it came to the purpose of courtship-and that was to get married.
But somewhere we lost the purpose as more and more women are settling for Mr. Right Now, having children with Mr. Right Now, moving in with Mr. Right Now hoping Mr. Right Now will turn into Mr. Husband, but Mr. Right Now isn’t interested in being Mr. Husband.
Someone might ask me; well what is your solution to getting a man to court you. You know, I am a traditional minded woman, and what worked for me-probably wouldn’t work for the masses because relationships are so discombobulated these days.
But I will say for women who want to be courted, make it your standard and DON’T waver from that. It won’t be an easy road, because so many women are settling and men tend to gravitate to that.
**Please note~ this is not about rushing people into marriage. Nor is it about women gold-digging (that's another misconception about my post)
But to give food for thought during the dating/courtship process**
A Love Worth Waiting For book 1 Destinee Series
Two Become One book 2 Destinee Series
Born Out of Lust book 3 Destinee Series
A Johnson Family Saga—Love That Transcends All (the Destinee complete series 1-3)
Jewel—A Chance at Love
Under The Irish Moon
The Millionaire—Diamonds are Forever
Sisters Can We Talk? What Our Mothers Didn’t Tell Us
A Kiss at Christmas coming November 2017