Hello everyone, I know it’s been a minute since I have posted something. I went to a co-worker the other day and asked her for some subject matter to post about. She is a single woman, and this question was posed by her. But I also see this question asked online as well. The reason why is pretty easy to answer in my opinion. However, a social media site I like to visit, the opinion as to why they (men) don’t court anymore varies. I’m thinking there is a generational gap as to why there is a disparity in opinions. I am 40-plus and many of the women who have had a different opinion from me are in their 20s (and that is ok, we all have different life experiences) that said (please note-these are my personal opinions)
Women are not making being courted properly a priority anymore. I’m talking the initial dating process, when a man takes a woman out to a movie, dinner, hand holding in the park-Or whatever the couple’s interests are. But crashing at her place not making the effort to dress up and take her out or only calling a woman at night is not courtship. It’s laziness on both the man’s and the woman’s part. Particularly if a woman wants to move towards marriage and not a forever girlfriend) If a woman wants a man to court her, she needs to set that standard. If a man is unwilling to rise to that standard, he is not the one.
Men know they don’t have to put an effort into courting a woman anymore. More and more women are settling for less than true courtship. A lot of women and men are defining lust as a relationship. Many are jumping feet first into sexual relationships without a mutual agreement on what they are. Are we exclusive?-working towards eventual marriage? Friends with benefits, Booty call, Casual dating, I don’t know how to define us, We’re friends-but someone wants more etc etc etc. A real courtship needs to be defined early on. If you (the woman) has questions about where you stand with the man you are with, that may be a red flag.
A lot of men are getting the benefits of a relationship without minimal effort on their end. Very minimal. Men are used to not having to step up to the plate because they are not being challenged to, women are getting weary of men not stepping up to the plate-but many women are also settling-which perpetuates this dilemma. Some men are simply lip service and no actions lining up with what they are telling the women they are with. Men and women are often on a different page when it comes to sex and love.
We as women tend to blur the lines of sex and love-which can lead to confusion. There was a saying years ago (it’s not verbatim-I don’t remember who said it) but Men use words of love to get sex and women give sex to get love. Ladies, there really are red flags when we first meet a man. Some women say they were blind-sided by a man after crap hit the fan. Not true, for the most part, we ignore signs slapping us right in the face. And the reasons for ignoring those signs vary by woman.
We know we have men who don’t try to court a woman-but then we have men who won’t try because they think women are asking for too much. Movie, dinner, roses and he wants to know what is he getting out of the deal before he spends his money (this is what I’ve heard men say). Sex is usually the preferred trade-off. And sex without true commitment presents a different challenge-which takes me back to men and women being on different pages when it comes to sex and love.
I think this one is a biggie. A lot of men are not seeing examples of courtship. Their own father may be missing in action; their mother may have juggled several boyfriends during his formative years. Courtship to a man, if it’s even on his radar differs from courtship from a woman’s POV. I think in our parents/grandparents day-men and women were a little more on the same page when it came to the purpose of courtship-and that was to get married. But somewhere we lost the purpose as more and more women are settling for Mr. Right Now, having children with Mr. Right Now, moving in with Mr. Right Now hoping Mr. Right Now will turn into Mr. Husband, but Mr. Right Now isn’t interested in being Mr. Husband.
Someone might ask me; well what is your solution to getting a man to court you. You know, I am a traditional minded woman, and what worked for me-probably wouldn’t work for the masses because relationships are so discombobulated these days. But I will say for women who want to be courted, make it your standard and DON’T waver from that. It won’t be an easy road, because so many women are settling and men tend to gravitate to that.
Author of A Love Worth Waiting For-Destinee’s Story book 1 Two Become One book 2 Born Out of Lust book 3 Jewel-Entrepreneur, Fabulous…and Single a Novella