Interview with Destinee Jones-Johnson
By Christine Thomas
Abstaining from sex till marriage is it worth it?
It’s your girl Christine, of Christine’s Corner. I thought the topic of abstinence, or maintaining virginity till marriage would be a good topic for Valentine’s Day and beyond. Valentine’s Day is usually a day and night for unbridled passion and the promise of a romantic dinner, skimpy lingerie and good sex.
Valentine’s Day has passed but it didn’t stop me from getting in touch with my good friend Destinee. She is the best person to talk to about abstaining till marriage and actually walked the walk. Not an easy one according to her. I’ve known her for years and I know she is an inspiration for some young women who want to know her experience for waiting and whether or not it is worth it?
CT-Hi Destinee, how are you girl? You’re looking great. I see Mister is keeping you happy.
DJ-I’m fine Christine. Thank you and yes he is.
CT-When I interviewed that fine husband of yours I thought he was very charming.
CT-When we were in college you were the only one of us who never really had a boyfriend. And you weren’t having sex like the rest of us. College is usually the place where people experiment and I was no exception. I’m going to tell you. I thought you were weird and missing out. Please tell my readers, why maintaining your virginity was so important to you?
DJ-You thought I was weird? You never told me that before.
CT-I did. But I also admired your stand. Temptation is too great out here. It was too many fine brotha’s on campus. I don’t know how you did it.
DJ-Part of it was upbringing and religious convictions-I know that’s not politically correct. Once I got older and was able to make decisions for myself it was what I wanted to do. I always felt sex was something special that shouldn’t be given away to just anyone. No judgment. That was my choice for my life.
CT-I’m glad you mention no judgment because people usually feel some kind of way when they encounter a woman who chooses to abstain. Why do you think that is?
DJ-Just guessing, it could be because they wish they had waited. Perhaps the first man they gave themselves to; proved to not be worthy. Men view you as a novelty and like the thrill of the hunt and to see if they can persuade you. At the end of the day men and women view sex differently and women are often the ones who feel out of sorts if they didn’t get from a man what they expected after giving their bodies to them.
CT-What about women who enjoy sex and don’t put archaic limitations on themselves when it comes to sex?
DJ-Just like my choice to abstain was my own, women who don’t like archaic limitations have a right to live how they see fit. My choice to abstain only became a problem when certain people started questioning me about it and they felt some kind of way about my choice. You know who I’m talking about. I only talked about it when I was confronted about it.
CT-Did the questions about abstaining bother you back then?
DJ-Only when I was ridiculed for my choice; other than that, no.
CT-So that brings me to a very personal question. Your husband is the only man you’ve slept with. How can you know if he is good or not? Do you regret not playing the field a bit?
~~Destinee laughs here~~
DJ-Yes he is and I am very satisfied in more ways than one with his performance. No complaints on either side. I don’t regret not playing the field. You remember #####? She was very free and vocal about her conquests but when she met ######## she quickly forgot about the body count she used to not only brag about, but she used to rub it in my face that I wasn’t getting any. So I don’t see the point of playing the field, only to want to forget about your conquests once your knight and shining armor shows up.
CT-It’s safe to say your husband wasn’t a virgin, correct?
DJ-No he wasn’t
CT-Do you think your choice to remain one till marriage was his motivation for pursuing you?
DJ-I guess you’d have to ask him, but I don’t think so.
CT-I’d love to ask you some even more personal questions but I know you shared some in Two Become One. Two snaps girl, you didn’t hold back.
DJ-Well enquiring minds wanted to know some things
CT-My final question. At the end of the day; was waiting for sex worth it?
DJ-Yes. It was a long journey. I wanted to throw in the towel many times, but I’m glad I made the personal choice to wait.
CT-Thank you Destinee. I wish you and your husband the best and many more years to come.
Anything you’d like to share with my readers?
DJ-Just make sure when you are having sex it’s with someone who really loves you, respects you and because you want to. I preferred sex within marriage, but that was my choice. Thank you for inviting me.
By Lisa Marbly-Warir
A love worth waiting for—Destinee’s story
Get your copy today—1st book in series is .99
Two become one-A Destinee romance
Born out of Lust
Under the Irish Moon
The Millionaire—Diamonds are forever (coming soon)
Available at www.Amazon.com
I’ve been online for about 15 years and in those 15 years, most people who know me on various media sites know that I was/am pro-marriage and an advocate for abstinence, more importantly saving one’s self for marriage. In today’s society this is a feat within itself. A lot of women find abstinence or celibacy after dealing with the wrong man or men and even after having children by a man who never intended to be a part of her life let alone the child’s life. I believe if more women took this road there would be less heartache.
The heartache of having a child or children with a man that didn’t want her. The heartache of multiple notches on the bedpost and nothing to show for it except some stained sheets and tears. I’ve also found that some women who were sexually free, promiscuous even, like to forget about all of their past lovers once a man has put a ring on it.
In the case of Ciara and Russell it was the man who wanted to wait.
It truly takes a special man who wants to wait. I believe there are some out here, but Russell is the exception and not the rule. Both Ciara and Russell saw enough in each other to want to build a friendship and let it progress naturally from there. I’ve said many times online that dating/courting used to be about getting to know a person.
Knowing if that person was marriage material or not. Today it has turned into sex, pregnancies (most times unwanted) and then marriage, if marriage even happens. The sad truth is most of the sex and pregnancies are happening between people who weren’t trying to be in it forever (a lot of times the men)
Women are the ones who often lose. Men and women do not view sex the same. Of course there are some women who say they can separate sex from love, but how many women can do that successfully? If men and women were on the same page when it came to sex, there wouldn’t be so many hurt, mad, struggling baby mamas out here or angry men who have to shell out money to a woman who he claims to hate after she’s had his offspring.
This is the price of sex without really knowing who you are sleeping with and especially not married to. The try-it-before-you buy-it is a lie that both men and women tell themselves and again, women are the ones who end up with the short end of the stick—a baby/children to raise by herself, 5 or 10 years of being a fiancé never a bride etc.
I recently wrote online that I tend to have more respect for women who waited for marriage, like, truly waited—no friends-with-benefits, no maintenance men, no ‘he my friend’ but really waited on the promise of God sending her a mate. I admire Ciara and Russell for their choice to wait, and also Megan Good and her husband. I wish them all the best.
Waiting is not an easy road. Been there done that, but it paid off for me—but that was my personal journey and commitment to God and myself. I wish more women saw value in what they have between their legs. You don’t have to rush into sex, sex will eventually come but you want it to be with a man who genuinely cares for you and wants a life (in marriage with you) if marriage is what you want.
#abstinence #celibacy #abstinencetillmarriage
Lisa Marbly-Warir wife, writer, dreamer
Bringing characters to life~one book at a time