Chad Boseman (T’Challa/Black Panther) is becoming my new favorite Black actor—move over Denzel (still love you though ;)  ) Chad was perfect, he had vulnerability and a strength about him which kept your eyes glued to the screen. Plus he is not hard on the eyes at all.

Danai Gurira as Okoye. I’m a fan of hers anyway because of The Walking Dead. There is so much that can be said about this movie and I will probably revisit this article as more people watch the movie and make their comments.
I give it 4 out of 5 stars.

www.shimmergirlbooks.com
Twitter @Lwarir
Facebook Destinee Romance Novella

Lord where do I start? We are two episodes in and the arrow on my cringe-o-meter is still pointing towards what the crap is this mess? I want to like this show. I love the fact that Black women can be showcased as vulnerable, wanting love like any other woman and getting their happy on.

As a matter of fact I probably would have loved this show twenty or thirty years ago—in regards to a Black woman being fawned over by a non-Black man and let me explain-this was before I knew how deep stereotypes about Black women went and how many other cultures view Black women as naturally loose and not wife material.

I even had an African man tell me one day that Black American women were known for having five men at one time.  

 Not to mention, we as Black women since girlhood have been told directly and indirectly that we are not as pretty or desirable as other women.      

I am a little dismayed by this show.  I feel it is falsely telling Black women that Italian men are waiting to romance and marry them. Does it happen? Probably, but is it the norm or an exception?

I can see this turning sour fast if Black women en masse decide to go to Italy only to come back as unmarried and with child. Right now we are watching women who’ve made bad choices with relationships and now want a White Knight (pun intended) in shining armor to sweep them off of their feet.

The issue isn’t Black women wanting to cross the ocean for love; it’s the issue that many of us aren’t/weren’t taught how to be in a relationship. Many are not taught about being wife vs. a baby mama, or a forever girlfriend.

The grass isn’t necessarily greener on the other side.
We aren’t trying to fix what is going on over here in regards to dating/relationships/marriage stats etc.

But, if these women find genuine love in the arms of one of the Italian men, I’d be the first to be happy for them.


Twenty to thirty years ago, the dating landscape was not as dire as it is now and yes I believe it is worse for Black women and for a variety of reasons. It would make my post too long to cite every reason. But you can check out my Youtube channel. I discuss things like-

Are Black women raising their daughters to be single?
Is Church keeping Black women single?

Click below for videos

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXTC1DwnVfjjcdsSSmFNPuw

I am feeling some kind of way about this show—mostly because in the back of my mind I’m thinking about what other people are thinking about these women.

They’re older, divorced, have been in long term (never married relationships) baby mamas, mothers etc. Do these Italian men want them as wives? Do these men want a readymade family? I think this show would have been better if it was more of a random type situation.

I think these women’s heads were gassed up believing that Italian men were just waiting with open arms to women they’ve never really been involved with before. And the women are acting, well, desperate. At least they were in the first episode.

There is so much more that can be discussed here and I may revisit at a later date. I hope there is some redeeming quality to this show, because right now…

Please note—I am not against interracial relationships at all and this is not what my article is about. I’ve written two interracial romance novels. I just feel this show needs a little tweaking.

Thanks for reading.
www.shimmergirlbooks.com
Twitter @LWarir
Facebook

I put some because obviously many Black women are married, getting married and are for marriage, but there is still a large amount that are not. I often wonder about why, or at least I used to wonder until I started seeing a startling protest against marriage from many women who say they are Black online.

Every so often I will see posts on a particular website that suggest that Black women are better off not being married at all. I recently saw an article called Ways to commit without being married on Madame Noire. Is there an agenda to push this on Black women?

I believe that specific article was written by a White woman but it was posted on a largely Black female forum. Honestly, I don’t think White women or other race women get these articles geared towards them.

Look at how the media is geared towards White women and women of other races—she and a man running through a field of flowers, holding hands, a marriage ceremony etc. But for Black women you’d be hard pressed to see the same types of images. (Not that you don’t, but it’s not the same)

The scary thing is many young Black women eat up the ‘I don’t need to be married brigade’ like candy. But then some of those same young women will ask ‘Why aren’t men asking their baby mama’s, their fiancée of umpteen years etc. to get married?
Or some will wonder why they are raising a child or children by themselves. If marriage is just a piece of paper, or no big deal to you as a woman, why would it be a big deal to the men who asks for the woman’s hand in marriage?


 I’m going to post a list of some of the reasons I have seen online from Black women who say they are against marriage.

The site that I speak of, any time marriage or wives come up it turns into a—them (single) against us (married) or vs. versa. And the post usually crashes and burns with a lot of name calling on both sides. So without further ado here are some of the reasons I have seen--

So we have to consider why the marriage rate in our communities compared to others is much lower.

Black women are raising the men who don't want marriage

Black women are raising the young ladies who don't see marriage as a viable option

Also, some women think they have years to snag a husband. That’s not to say that you can’t meet and marry the right man at a later age (I did)
but I am an advocate of getting your husband young(er) if possible for a variety of reasons.

I realize the dating landscape has changed from when I was a younger woman. But I know that marriage is beneficial to men, women and especially children whose biological parents are in a healthy marriage.

Please note as I always do, this message isn’t for all women. Some women are very content not being married or ever being married. I’m talking to women who are pro-marriage and want to be one day if they aren’t already.

Thanks for reading

Of course some of my stories are inspired by real communities (Rosedale Park, Palmer Park, Sherwood Forest in Detroit) fictionalized through my characters.

     **any similarities between these communities, my characters and real people are purely coincidental**

For me romance is about entertainment and escapism. Going into a world of make believe for an hour or two and even longer. Ironically enough when I was an avid reader—gothic romance or historical romance were my go to genres. I could go through two romance novels a week.
 

Thing is, none of the heroines looked like me—a Black woman. As a Black reader I wanted to read a story about women that looked like me, in love with her handsome Prince Charming in the scenario that I wanted her to be in.

So what did I do? I decided to write my own stories and chose affluent Black communities as the backdrop—as opposed to the hood/urban romance that are highly popular.
 
     Which brings me to the point of this post—when I started writing, my goal was to write clean, Christian romance. And though I think there is a market out here for that, the landscape of courtship and dating has changed since the first book I wrote some 16 years ago.

     I ultimately veered off and decided to be a little more realistic with my heroines, in that, most women are not waiting until marriage today or even 16 years ago, but that was the story I wanted to tell of my characters. For some readers the idea of waiting is just too unrealistic. 

 Or, I have some of my characters spend time downtown—specifically downtown Detroit.
I like to tell myself that my stories are Hallmark Channel-ish, but with Black characters. Although, when I think of Hallmark Channel, I think of small town, quaint, picturesque—cutesy. I hope when people read my stories this is what it conveys. Light-hearted, feel-good with a balance of romance and drama.
So, where are the real affluent Black communities?
I got this list from BET
 

1. View Park-Windsor Hill, CA
2. Baldwin Hills, CA
3. Ladera Heights, CA
4. Michellville, Maryland
5. Fort Washington, Maryland
6. Kettering, Maryland
7. Woodmore, Maryland
8. Friendly, Maryland
9. Hillcrest, New York
10. Uniondale, New York
     
    Why is this list important? Well, we’re always inundated with scenes of urban decay and poverty in metropolitan areas, often populated by Black people. Very rarely do we see images of the cities listed above where Black people are thriving. Perhaps the inhabitants of those communities prefer it that way.
     
    

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JXNJqzSCqvE Boyce Watkins video

 I was glad for the question because it gave me a chance to answer a buyer and reader about what makes me tick, in a sense. I also told the reader, I was torn between my very first book A Love Worth… and my newest release The Millionaire—Diamonds are Forever.
 

Charley from Queen Sugar

First of all I would like to start off with, I absolutely love this show. So what I’m about to talk about isn’t a diss, but an observation I’ve witnessed a few times on TV in regards to well-to-do Black female characters. I’ve even seen it IRL.
     Taking the Black woman down a peg or two—that’s how it seemed to me in the My Soul’s High Song 7/5/2017 Queen Sugar episode.
     I could see—or at least it was my perception of disapproval on Remy’s face when Charley was looking at that beautiful stately home in gasp—the Landry’s, her competitor and nemesis’ community (I personally wouldn’t want to live down the street from an enemy especially the Landry’s)
     However, I understood the message conveyed during that short exchange between Charley and Remy—Remy’s reasoning why Charley acquiring a big fancy house would be deemed audacious to the Black farmers in the area the very people she wants to help. Or was it something deeper, subconsciously? Was it a way to keep a Black person of means, especially a Black woman in her place?
     I mean, how dare this successful Black woman buy a big house that she can clearly afford at the risk of offending the people in the area—both Black and White. I can’t think of a successful White female character, or successful White woman in general having to explain why she wants a big beautiful home in the area that she wants. So why is it a problem for Charley? Why does she have to downplay who she is? Was Remy right to question her about her choice?
     It’s like we as a race have this idea that if one Black succeeds they should feel guilty about having more than the average or less fortunate Black and if a successful Black person is fortunate they must downplay it—as not to front or stunt on people still trying to get their piece of the American dream.
     A few years ago I wrote about a successful Black hair care entrepreneur Jewel—A Chance at Love
http://amzn.to/2u9qBlN 

who had the same type of scenario Charley had with Remy. Jewel wanted to purchase a home in a gated community. Her own business was in an urban area that she had helped revitalize and she wanted a home to reflect her new status in life. She was instantly met with haters who accused her of forgetting where she came from. So when I saw the same thing happen to Charley it struck a chord with me.
     At the end of the Queen Sugar episode I did like the moving into the mill scene with her family rallying around her. Even after all that I just wrote, Charley and Micah living in the mill just made sense but I didn’t like that she had to be questioned about her original choice first.
    
If you haven't watched this show please check it out.
If it helps it's got some eye candy.

Let’s explore this—we have,
Destinee (A Love Worth Waiting For—Destinee’s Story) #1
She is the good girl out of all of the women. She, as with the other women I will mention have their own little antagonizer that is unique to them in their stories.
     Destinee is really no stranger to ridicule for upholding certain standards about herself. She would get along with the other ladies for the most part, but she wouldn’t take their crap. I don’t see her as hanging with people she didn’t like just to hang with them.
 
Jewel (Jewel—A Chance at Love)
Jewel is the second oldest of all of the ladies (late thirties into her forties). Pettiness and phoniness is behind her. She’s an entrepreneur, and is about her money. So she wouldn’t have time to hang with messy women who would take her down.
Evermore (Under The Irish Moon)
Evermore follows the beat of her own drummer. She is a reader and an adventurer. She’s open-minded. She could possibly give the ladies a run for their money. She won’t start anything, but she will attempt to finish it if you start with her.
Quisha (The Millionaire—Diamonds are Forever)
Quisha is like Evermore, they are about living their own lives on their terms and not really caring what people think. She and Evermore would probably be the real friends of the group.
Jazzlyn (Born Out of Lust) #3
Jazzlyn is the oldest of the ladies and she is the hungriest for money and status. She would definitely be cutthroat for the things in life she wants. Jazzlyn would be the messiest of all the women.
In my opinion these women would not be true friends. They would hang in the same affluent circle. Most of them brought there by the men in their lives—however, Jewel is the only one who is a self-made millionaire and would possibly look down on the other women for using men for their come up.
Amazon.com: lisa marbly warir

www.Shimmergirlbooks.com

I would like to tackle many things I feel women are not learning or getting which is why so many are left to fend for themselves with children, or reach a certain age and want marriage but can’t find the right man. I feel men are especially spoiled today. They know they can create children and leave, shack up with a woman and promise marriage for years, knowing he has no intention of it.

Get commitment less sex and even ‘committed’ but not married sex etc. A lot of men, whether they say it or not have a 'Why buy the cow when they can get the milk for free?' attitude. He is not going to say this to the woman he is sleeping with—who may want marriage. Because for some of them it's 'If it ain't broke why
fix it?'





A lot of women are asking that men be the men of yesteryear—family oriented, marry them, take care of his kids—but those same women are not trying to be the women of yesteryear who for the most part had children within marriage, expected marriage, shunned men who were not husband material etc.

I often see a lot of double talk in regards to marriage (online) I actually don’t know where to start with this. It’s a subject that is beaten half to death on various geared to Black women sites I’ve visited over the years. It will continue to be beaten to death because there is never any resolution and many women are still complaining about raising kids alone, or wanting to settle down but can’t find a marriage-minded man.

I see a lot of disdain towards marriage, Black men and sometimes towards women who are wives and I often wonder is the disdain from wanting to be married but can’t find the right man to commit?
Or disdain because children are here and the father of the child(ren) refused to marry the mother?
Is it disdain because marriage is simply not important to some women?
The flip side is—many of those same women are complaining that the men they had children with (unmarried) are not stepping up to the plate of responsibility. I’ve been accused of giving men a pass and absolving them of their responsibility.

Um, no. When you as a woman have kids with a man who didn’t commit to you through marriage, you absolved him. Harsh but true.
What happened to love, marriage then baby? (Let me stop here, yes I know a man can marry you and still leave—that is a rather tired rebuttal I read a lot online. When I counter ask, what married men do you know is just up and leaving his family like that? I NEVER get an answer.
Does it mean that married men don’t leave, absolutely not, but I don’t believe they are leaving in droves the way some posters online like to believe. I’ve often said online that somewhere in time some women decided that having a husband was a waste of time, not important, all men cheat anyway the list of negativity towards marriage goes on and on and I am really baffled at the origins of it.

One media site I like to visit; most posters there know I am pro-marriage and being pro-marriage has actually gotten me called all kinds of spiteful names. And I’m like wow, so in order for a woman to be married or want marriage something has to be wrong with her? Really? The name calling also tells me it has to be something deeper within that person, to melt down over the suggestion of getting married and then having children.

I’ve also mentioned that if some women (posters in regards to that site I won’t mention) are that anti marriage online, then what are they like in real life? Is that sentiment spilling over into their relationships with men? Men, who are ultimately the ones who ask the woman for her hand in marriage. I’ve read a few articles on Black women and marriage and at times the articles contradict each other and also contradict what I see in real life.

I hear a few women who are honest enough to admit out loud that they want a husband, they want to get married. I have found that it’s almost frowned upon to admit such a thing. I can only conclude it is to save face, meaning if a woman who wants marriage never gets married she can always say ‘I never wanted to get married anyway.’

At the end of the day I don’t believe many Black women are being honest about really wanting marriage. Truly, don’t believe me, check out some of the Black social sites and pay close attention anytime marriage subjects come up they tend to turn into insults being hurled with women on different sides of the fence. ie either for marriage or not.  

I believe more Black women could be married if they expected it and most importantly made choices to that affect. A lot of women want to waste their young years having children by men who never intended to be there for the long haul let alone marry them, waste their young years having this so called fun at the expense of complaining later about no good men, or all the good men are taken.



I honestly believe that if Black women and men were primed early on to revere marriage and look at marriage as a positive; more marriages would happen in our communities. Perhaps more husbands/fathers would be in the homes and stay in the homes—because it started out on a solid base (hopefully)

Some women get negative views of marriage early on from their mothers?  Not only negative views, but I have also seen online some posters say that they don’t know a single, solitary happy marriage. My response is usually in-depth, but my usual go to retort is,

“So baby daddies, one night stands, friends with benefits, your “friend” is that much better than a husband?
Of course those questions are NEVER answered. At the end of the day, I believe the general consensus is, Black women do want marriage like any other woman, but so many make choices that aren’t conductive towards marriage.

I also believe that some view marriage as a death sentence, as a non-important factor to their lives and I wholeheartedly believe that is a defense mechanism. Please let me say this; for those who genuinely don’t want to be married this is not for you or about you.